MEY Sopheakdei's Autobiography

MEY Sopheakdei's Autobiography

Acknowledgement

I would like to express my sincerest appreciation to all those people who have assisted me to edit this autobiography from the beginning to the end of the written paper.

 First and foremost, I would like to profoundly thank my family; especially my parents who have given me birth and care, and brought me up in a good environment. Furthermore, I would like to profoundly thank my American mother, Dorothy Gist and American sister, Karen who tried hard to sponsor me to further my education. Without them, I would not be able to attend any university.

Secondly, I would like to profoundly thank my previous teachers and advisers who always gave me guidelines, taught me, advised me, and corrected me while I was doing wrong in order to live in the society, especially, my grand-parents and my neighbors who provided me good examples to survive in the society.

Most importantly, I would like to thank to my experienced and helpful lecturer, Sareth Suy, who have provided me with a great deal of advice, guidance, and the opportunity to write this autobiography which I’ve ever tried before.

 Likewise, I would like to appreciate all of my friends as well for helping me when I encounter troubles.

Finally, I am looking forwarding to getting feedbacks and constructive advices from you all.

Phnom Penh, Cambodia, 27 January 2006

                                                                                                                      Mey Sopheakdei

Introduction

Throughout history, we always study or learn about wonderful things or buildings’ story and famous people biography. Those wonderful things are also expressed about the meaningful and crucial aspects of life and daily activities of human beings, especially, famous people who devoted their happiness for humanity. If we look into Cambodia a lot of people have written about Samdech Chuna, Father King Sihanouk, and Pol Pot who created amazing aspects and strange society in the Cambodia.

Moreover, everything and everyone has their own history, I also have my own history in which called biography, but this biography becomes autobiography because I am written by myself. So, what important is that I am happy to write about myself with what I have done throughout over 25 years.

In my autobiography I will express everything even my name who gave it to me and especially my personal background, my education background, my work experiences, and my perspective toward life. As we know life is important for us taking care. Furthermore, you will learn something about my personal life and experiences and take it for your own life. I am not famous person, but what I have passed through over past 25 years, I myself regard it as the famous and priceless experiences.

1. Personal Data

1.1. Naming

My name is Mey Sopheakdei, a Cambodian son, and I am twenty eight years old in which I was born on the 10^th of November 1984 in a poor farmer’s family at Kukrun Village, Mukben Commune, Pouk District, and Siem Reap Province. My village is located in the northwest of Siem Reap Province about 30 kilometers. When it is in the rainy season it is full of water because the Tanle Sap will spread the water during rainy season. I mean that water is everywhere in my village around one to two meter in deep, but when it is dry season it is lack of water. We have lack of water for drinking and for animals.

Furthermore, my mother and father named me, Mey Sophot but I changed my name when I became a Buddhist monk during I was living in the Siem Reap town. Of course, when I applied for the Buddhist high school exam I wrote my name badly which they did not know Sophot or Sopheakdei. When the result of the exam appeared I saw my name on the list for winning candidates as Mey Sopheakdei the same name, and the same date of born, so my name was Mey Sopheakdei since then. It was unbelievable that my name had been changed from Sophot to Sopheakdei.

I have a few names in my life. When I was in my village I was named Sophot in which all my villagers have known and they always call me when I go home. They just know Sophot, but when I went to stay in Siem Reap town I wan named Tang and Sopheakdei. However, I choose to be named as Mey Sopheakdei and I use this name as official name.

1.2. Position in Family

When I was born I am the eldest child in my family among three brothers. My younger brother who is living in Phnom Penh and studying at Norton University, his name is MEY Seynga and my youngest brother now lives in my own village with my father, his name is MEY Touch. He is a farmer and works hard in the field. After our mother passed away we lived separately with different directions.

Actually, I had a lot of positions in my family while I was a young boy and living with my parents in which I worked all kinds of jobs for earning money for my family. I worked as a construction worker, a farmer, a seller, and a servant for another family. It means that I lived in another family in order to work for them instead of getting money back. However, I did not mind whatever I could do to help my family. I worked all kinds of job as a poor farmer in order to survive on earth. Being the eldest brother, I had to work harder than my brothers because I was old enough to take care of my family and my responsibility is to help my mother earning money to support the family. Of course, my father did not involve working to support the family.

1.3. Family Background

My mother’s name is Houy Voun who had passed away since 2004 and my father’s name is Mey Sophun. He worked as a primary school teacher and now he lives in Kuokrun Village, Mukben Commune, Pouk District, and Siem Reap Province.

When I was a child, my family’s life was absolutely difficult that is to say “having food to eat in the morning, but having nothing at the evening” whereas my house was too small to live and at night we could see thousand of stars because our house’s roof was full of holes, and it seemed to be in the field when the rain fell down. If it rained at night, we could not sleep and we had to get up and sat in the covered place.

Moreover, when we wanted to build a house, we just went to the forest with cart oxen and we cut some suitable trees which we could use to build a house, but my family has no oxen for drawing cart and we could not go into the forest to cut any trees to build a house. Therefore, I and my mother just lived in the old house which used to belong to my aunt who went to live at Pol Pet.

While my family’s status was difficult to live, I also had to work hart to help my mother. Being the eldest child, I could not stand seeing my mother work to support the family alone so when I was free from school, I always took my time to be hired to get money or helped other families in the village to get income for my family. That time I was around 10 to 14 years olds.

Moreover, my family had some cows which I had also to look after at the field. Sometimes I did not allow going to school because of the family‘s status. Meanwhile, my family was a farming family and all people had to go to work at the field such as plowing, growing rice, and so on.

Even though we were the farmers but we did not have enough rice to eat because the Tanle Sap Lake was spread over my village nearly every year, so rice was destroyed by water. Then we try hard to live and so I always went to ask my village family for rice to fulfill my stomach whereas my mother went to borrow some rice from my neighbors for her children. When we had a little rice, we cooked it with sweet potatoes or we cooked as porridge for fulfill family’s starvation.

1.4. Childhood

My childhood is a bit strange from other children in Cambodia in which I was born just three years after Khmer Rouge, so it was hard to live and survived from war. I never had childhood life task because I always escaped from the village when Khmer Rouge troops fought against village troops. Sometimes I did not sleep full night because B40 or other guns were being shot.

When I was old enough to go to school I did not have chance of school life task in which it was hard to say because war never ended. However, I had a lot of friends who went to look after the cows together at the field and sometimes it rained a lot so we could not go to somewhere, but we went into the forest to hide from the rain fall. Actually, we played some games during it was raining and we sometimes jumped into the pond and played together.

However, I never had close friends or best friend during my childhood because my family was poor and I and my village children never thought of being friends. We just lived with independent life in which we went to different direct. My village’s children’s families were rich, so they could always afford their children to go to school from one to another and sometimes those village’s children were sent to stay at the town in order to study for further.

1.5. Nightmare Journeys

In my life, there are many strange things happen and actually, I had a nightmare trip when I was living with my parents. My trip was started when I went to the jungle with my father to seek for fire wood. In the morning I and my father prepared food and water for our day time in the forest. My father drove the ox cart to the forest and I sat behind him on the cart.

During the day at the forest I had duty to look after the oxen and my father went to find fire wood at the forest. My father went into the deep jungle and cut fire wood there in which it was located about half kilometer from where we had stopped the ox cart. When my father went back to the stopping place I was told to cook lunch. During cooking lunch my father brought some fire wood and I prepared our lunch. After lunch I was told to bring our oxen to a pond in order to let the oxen drink the water. Actually, we had a bit rest after lunch.

At the afternoon, I and my father picked the fire wood up into the ox cart after my father had brought all fire wood which he had cut in the jungle. It was a hard day for us because I did not have enough energy to do that kind of work. When I and my father put the fire wood fully on the ox cart, I went to take our oxen in order to draw the cart back home.

While I and my father drove the ox cart back home we were stopped in the middle way. In that moment we just recognized that they were thieves and they came to steal our oxen. So, we were forced to provide them our oxen and we had to follow them. We were afraid of them because they had gun in their hands and we did nothing. We just let everything gone. However, the old village man came after us a few minutes, but his oxen were not stolen because oxen were fought and those oxen ran away.

I and my father lost our oxen in which we could not do anything because the thieves had guns in their hands. Moreover, the thieves also forced us to guide them back to the forest. We did not want to follow what they told but we were afraid of their gun because they pointed their gun on our heads. Whereas the old village man arrived the village he told our family about us who were forced and stolen the oxen. My family went to meet the chief villager and police in order to ask for help from those people. However, we lost our oxen and we could not find.

2. Education

2.1. Buddhist Primary School

In 1992 my family sent me to my village primary school which located around a kilometer from my house. When I attended school, I was always absent because I had to work for family’s income and looked after the house and my younger brothers because my mother went to work at the field until dark, she came back.

Of course, my grade was not good and some year I had to repeat class. In that time, all teachers were cruel because they just emerged from Khmer Rouge. They fought students badly and they did not give reason of lessons while students did mistakes. I was fought every day until I was afraid of school, but my mother always forced me to go to school.

Even though, Cambodia went away from Khmer Rouge over a decade, country was still disorder and war still had in the northwest of the country. There were rubbery and fighting everywhere especially at night time. Sometimes I could not sleep for nights because forest troop and government troop fought to each other and I also could not go to school. I can say that one day present and one day absent for school day.

My village could not cultivate rice because everywhere was full of mind and they could eat rice half of a year and another part, they found other tree’s root to fulfill their stomach. That means that they cooked rice with sweet potatoes or something else to eat.

When my two younger brothers were old enough to go to school, my mother did not let them go, due to our lack of money. There were not only my brothers, but village children also could not go to school because of family’s status. They all lived under breadline and they never knew the important of education.

However, my brother insisted my mother to let them go to school until our mother agreed with what they needed, so my mother had to work harder to earn for buying books, pencil, chalk and chalkboard for them and I also worked to help my mother.

Besides working as a farmer, my mother also took time to grow plants and vegetable on vocational season. I had to get up early to water those vegetables by carrying water from the pond near there.  When the vegetable and plants were grown and it also a suitable time for cutting, my mother cut them and I also carried them to sell from one village to another. Sometimes, we exchanged them with rice when we did not have rice to eat.

Actually my father has two wives, so he never took care of my family and he rarely came to my family. Plowing and growing rice were my mother’s obligations and I just helped her in some points which for young child as me. 

In 1997, I still studied in my village school, at grade 5, but that school just had primary classes. So that time, I passed to study at grade 6 in which I had to study at another school which was located 3 kilometers from my village. It was difficult for me because I had no bike cycle and my family could not afford me. Actually, my mother wanted me to help her in the field to harvest because meanwhile it was on time for harvest season.

Therefore, I had to stop studying. Since then I was a young farmer and I had to work hard as my mother from morning to evening at field. In contrast, my father never took time to think of my family’s life and he also was a primary school teacher, but he never supported us. However, he is my father who gave me birth and I have to be grateful and thankful to him. From year to another, I worked so hard to survive myself and family.

In early 2000, my father thought that he did not want me to follow his footstep as living in a poor family, so he wanted me to be ordained and studied at Buddhist School.  My mother also agreed with this opinion in which she did not want me to be like her and lived in poverty and suffers. Then they went to ask the chief of my own wat monks who looked after the community to allow me to stay and be ordained as a novice monk. Before I was ordained, I had to study some basic Buddhism disciplines and teachings. I tried to memorize Buddha’s teachings day and night non-stop and a few days later I had ten friends who also wanted to be ordained. We lived and studied together until we were agreed to be ordained.

A few months later, we held a Naga ceremony in which we invited the chief of District Buddhist monk to ordain us at my own Vat. Then I became a novice monk and practiced Buddha’s teachings. Actually, my parents wanted to leave my own Vat to study Pali at Pali school (Buddhist School), which is located in province center Vats, so I had to study hard and memorized what the chief monk told me. Of course, I had to be clever and smart in order to please my parents and chief of monk to allow me to go away to seek knowledge. I did not want to waist more time at my own Vat, so a year was over I started to ask my chief monk to let me leave, but he did not allow me because he thought it was not a right time. Even though, he did not allow I still ask him again and again until he said OK. Actually, I just had 30000 riel in my pocket when I first lived in Vat Damnak and my parents did not have money for me because they were poor.

In the early 2001, I and my father hired a motor diver to drive us to the town in order to ask a place for me to stay and study. Actually, we went straight to Vat Damnak and asked the chief monk there for a place to study because Wat Damnak just opened the new class (first grade, primary school) for Buddhist monks came to study, but he did not agree to accept me to live there and he appointed my father to meet Pali teacher if he accepted me, I could live and study in Wat Damnak. Fortunately, Pali teacher also needed some more study to study in new class and he also allowed me to stay and study. Since then I stayed and studied at Wat Damnak nearly 9 years.

When I am allowed to stay and study in Vat Damnak, I was extremely happy, and it was pleased to my heart, but I was so little young novice monk and I also had to study some Buddha’s teachings which were used and recited in that area. I just spent around two months in memorizing Dharma and I also memorized some Pali grammar before the class was started because I could understand some point when the teacher explained. While studying Pali, I was not so good at Pali and some other subjects because I did not even know how to spell and write some technical term in Khmer or Pali. So, it made me so hard to read and memorize those technical words.

I never thought of my health because I wanted to success in study. We studied two times a day morning and afternoon, so it was full of homework and new lesson to memorize. While I was in Vat Damnak, I was not allowed studying other foreign language beside Pali and other school subjects, so I had a few free times and I hired math teacher to teach math because I needed to know math for Buddhist school exam.

In early 2003, I asked my Pali teacher to let me to apply for exam to get Pali primary school certificate because I studied there for two year already. Of course, until we had to study at Pali primary school for three, they would be allowed to apply for exam, but for me I could do all exercises which the teacher gave to me, so I was allowed to apply for exam and my other friends also were allowed. When the exam day arrived, I and my friends went to sit for exam at Vat Bo Buddhist High School in which the exam took two days and half.

2.2. High School

2.2.1. Junior Buddhist High School

In early 2003, I asked my Pali teacher to let me to apply for exam to get Pali primary school certificate because I studied there for two year already. Of course, until we had to study at Pali primary school for three, they would be allowed to apply for exam, but for me I could do all exercises which the teacher gave to me, so I was allowed to apply for exam and my other friends also were allowed. When the exam day arrived, I and my friends went to sit for exam at Vat Bo Buddhist High School in which the exam took two days and half.

Even though, I could go to school there were a lot of issues happened to my life. I was lack of documents to do research, and I always lived in pressure. Fortunately, I passed the Buddhist Primary School exam in 2003, and I prepared myself for seat-exam which we have two exams for one level to another. Then I applied for seat-exam, and maybe a month later the exam date came, so I went to sit for exam. A few weeks later, the result came out with my name on the list in which I passed the exam and I could go to study at Buddhist Secondary school at Vat Bo Buddhist School.

My life started more meaningful but harder because I had to walk to study at Vat Bo and I always had chance to seek more knowledge in other languages. I studied English 5 hours a day since early morning until night. This time I never worried much about, but what I worried is my study. Of course, I never wasted my time thinking other things beside my lessons. I read and memorized my lessons everyday and I learnt until later at night. I studied at Buddhist Secondary school for 3 years in which it was not so long and it was on time for another exam.

 Unfortunately in 2004, after I was at second years at Buddhist Secondary School which equal to grade eight at state secondary school, my mother had passed away. I did not know when she had gone away from me and I also knew what kind of disease she got because I was at Wat Damnak. In the morning I went to study as usual and when I was ready to enter the class, my village man called my village name and asked me to go home. In that time I asked him what happened and why I had to go home. He replied me with sock voice that my mother had died. When I heard that voice, my leg softened and I could not think anything at all. My heart bitted faster and faster in which I could not move for a while. Then I walked slowly and slowly to motorbike and asked him to drive me to Vat Damnak. I did not tell anyone in Vat Damnak about my mother. I started to lose my hope and sense in trying to live on this earth. I went into my room around five minutes and left and then the motor driver drove me to Pouk District because Pouk District is located along the way to my home and my brother also stayed and studied there.

While later I met my brother and asked him to go home, but he did not want to go because his clothes were wet and he had no clothes to wear. Even though he did not have clothes to wear, I still forced him to go. My brother also asked me why I and he had to go home. I did not tell him yet, but my heart bitted me harder and harder and my tear dropped down with recognizing. When he was ready to go, the driver drove along the number 6road to my village. My tear continued to drop down since we left my brother place until we nearly arrived and we started hear the funeral music; my brother knew that someone in my family died.

When we arrived home, I could not hear anything and my legs and arms soften and fell down on the earth, but someone came and carried me and I tried to walk to my house. I entered into my house and saw my mother’s body laid on the mat which covered by blanket and mosquito net. I sat nearly my mother’s body and looked at her face and body which made my heart bite faster and faster. I could not help stopping my tear dropping down.   

At the afternoon, the villagers had arranged the funeral procession and my mother’s body was not kept in my house so long and was taken to the cemetery which located in the eastern of my own Vat. My mother’s body was devoted and a few hours later my mother’s body was gone and just left some bones with ashes on the earth.  While my mother’s body was burning I also sat near there. We picked some of my mother’s bones and put them into a basket with the banana leaf and took those ashes and bones to our house for a night. In the morning we continued to hold the funeral and invited some Buddhist monks to take food at our house, and funeral was ended after the Buddhist monks finished their lunch at 11: 30 AM. 

After the funeral was finished we took my mother bones and ashes to bury at Vat campus in which we invited Buddhist monks to recite the Buddha’s Dharma which said about cycle of life. Then we went back to our house, we sat together with our relatives and neighbors talking about my mother’s disease. I just listened whatever they said, but I thought that my mother died because nobody looked after her while she was sick. Also, I could not take care of her and stayed closely to her while she was not well and ill. While I was listening to my relatives’ and neighbor’s words, I was painful because nobody knew and stayed with my mother when she nearly passed away. However, I kept quiet and listened to them talking until late at night.

I could not sleep, and I walked out alone to sit in the quiet dark night. I left nothing to say in that time. I kept quiet and I looked like a person who was disorder mental. I thought that I was an ungrateful and unthankful child because I could not take care and look after my mother while she was sick. I thought and thought about what mean of my study. I used to live with my beloved mother who had taken care of me and fed me every day and while she was sick I could not stay closely to her and heard a few meaning words. I could not listen to my mother’s last words.

I stayed at my home village for a few days to calm my mind down before I came back to Vat Damnak and continued my study with hopeless. During those days, I never talked to anybody in my village, but I just listened to them talking about my mother’s disease condition in which nobody took care of my mother and my mother also was left alone in the house. Even though my father also lived and stayed in that village, he never thought of caring of my mother because my mother was a strong woman. She worked very hard and never said it was hard for her.

Since I lived with her I never heard she said tired or exhausted. She worked at the field all day and when she came back home she continued doing housework such as cooking or drawing water from the pond and so on. These are her gratefulness and thankfulness for me to fulfill her purpose and goal in which she wanted me to study and success in life. One thing that made me sock and regret is that she wanted to see my achievement in studying career and she also wanted to build her a house after I finish study and have job.

Since then, I never worried of my health and any suffer in which caused from study; I just kept quiet and strived to study only because nobody helped me and my brothers anymore. Both I and my brother were studying, so I was the eldest child in the family had to guarantee and sponsor my brother in his living and study. I saved some of my money for my brother and some for my own education in which I got from Buddhist’s invitation to join in any festivals or ceremonies in Siem Reap town. Before I wanted to buy or spend on anything I had to think of my brothers and future life. Sometimes I just drank only water to fulfill my stomach instead of any food or drink. Even though I was tired and exhausted, I still went to study both English and Pali school. I slept less than before because I thought that after I knew any foreign languages and finished high school, I would have enough knowledge to earn a living and I could also support my brothers. I never thought that I could go to university or any higher educational institutions because of lacking of money.

In later 2005, I applied for Buddhist secondary school certificate exam at Battambang Province. This time was so harder because knowledge is broader than primary school exam in which we had 14 subjects include Pali and Sanskrit. I had to hire some teachers to teach me and other student for part time hours about chemistry, math, and physic that we could not be good at. 

On early February 2006, all students went to sit for exam at Battambang Province. I had to go there before the exam 3 weeks because my half-brother and some other friends who lived and studied at Battambong Province and in order to find some documents for exam. When the exam date came, we sat for exam for 3 days and when the exam was over; all students went back to their province different directions. I still stayed for one more night because I wanted to visit some places in Battambong Province because I did not see anywhere when I had stayed, but some of my friends took a bus that later afternoon back to Siem Reap Province.

During living in Battambong, it was so difficult. We had to cook our breakfast and lunch ourselves. I used to live easier because I did not cook any meals while I lived in Vat Damnak. I also did not have much money to spend at there and wherever I went I always walked even though it was around 2 or 3 kilometers because it is a bit far from my half-brother and my friend places. I slept with my friend who stayed at Vat Bor knung. Even though it was difficult living there, I was happier than living in Vat Damnak because people there knew the students attitudes and minds in which they needed freedom to act and express.

Maybe 5 weeks later, the exam result came out, and my name was on the list in which I got a better grade among Siem Reap Buddhist students. Then I and other students prepared for another exam in which we competed for seat in the class which we called seat-exam at Battambong Province, but I and my friends wanted to open class in Siem Reap Province because Buddhist school in Siem Reap had no class for high school students and this time was the most difficult decision in my life. We applied for new high school class in Siem Reap to Siem Reap Province Department of Religion and cult to open new class for us. If the new high school class was opened, all students had to pay for school fee because this school was opened for private sector, so the department of religion and cult suggested us to pay $150 per monk and per class was 53 Buddhist monks. We all agreed to pay and studied in Siem Reap Province because we saw the difficulty to live at another province even though living in Siem Reap also had some difficulties.

2.2.2. Senior Buddhist High School

From 2006, I studied and lived in Vat Damnak until 2009. Even though, I am lack of money to pay for foreign language schools, I wanted to study another language in fulfilling the social need and demand, I could just study with Buddhist monks who could speak and teach English every well without paying money at other Vats around Siem Reap Province.

On the other hand, English is very popular and useful for Cambodia society. When I had freedom with free time to study foreign language, I never waste my time, I went to English school at Vat Preah Promreath from 6:00-7:00 AM, and Buddhist High School at Vat Bo from 7:00-9:00 AM, Computer School at Buddhism for Development Organization from 9:30-10:30 AM, had lunch at 11:00 AM at Vat Damnak, English school at Vat Preah Promreath from 12:00-2:00 PM, Buddhist High School at Vat Bo from 2:00-5:00 PM, recited Dharma at Vat Damnak temple from 5:00-6:00 PM, and taught English at Vat Damnak from 6:00-8:00 PM, and the rest I read and did homework.

I never had any support from my father since my mother had passed away in which I had to live by myself. When I need some money to pay for school I always borrowed my friends or sometimes I asked my teachers not to pay school fee. Even though I lost hope I also had many good friends and best friend who always tried to encourage me in building my future life with getting higher education and I also devote my life to change my future through going to school.

On December 2008, it was on time for me to apply for completing high school exam in which the exam station is located in Phnom Penh and the exam date would be on February 2009. I and my classmates, we all prepared for exam days with take some times to study mathematics and other subjects in part time hours with private teachers. I tried to read and write those lessons in order to remember in which it would be easier in the exam hours. I also did not know how I could go to Phnom Penh because I was broken in that year. I never asked my father for help because he also was very poor and of course, he never took time to visit me while I was in Vat Damnak whereas my mother always went to visit me once a year on Pchum Ben Day.

Fortunately, early 2009 I met Karen and his mother, Dorothy with a group of American students who were led by Dr. Tim in order to study about Khmer history while they were visiting in Siem Reap and helping orphans at CDV in Phak Sneng Village, and I and my friend Sokmeng also took time to go there for nearly two months. We always had talks together about Cambodians and their histories in which they were just away from cruel regime nearly a decade but civil war still continued until 1997 that Cambodian lives’ conditions were difficult and hard to earn living. Karen and her mother, Dorothy are very kind and generous in helping Khmer orphans to build their future lives with further education; even though, they are not Khmer they love human kind and wanted to see all human beings who live on this earth live happily with good knowledge.

Moreover, before Dorothy and Karen went back to their homeland, I asked them to help and sponsor me in my further education in which I wanted to continue my study at Phnom Penh that I thought it would be better than Siem Reap Province because there are many better universities and most professors who used to study abroad and have broader knowledge, so I will get those for my future life.

On the other hand, I wanted to reflect my effort in study in which all my villagers are waiting to see my achievement if I lose my goal they will not send their offspring to schools anymore, so I have to struggle hard with study to show those people that education is the best way to avoid ignorance and poverty.

On January 20, 2009, I went to Phnom Penh for my exam in which I had not been to Phnom Penh before, so I did not where Phnom Penh was, and I also did not know how to go there, but I had my half-brothers who stayed and studied in Phnom Penh. I just bought bus ticket and caught on until I arrived at Phnom Penh safely, and then I called my half brother to drive me to Vat Unnaloam. I stayed in Vat Unnaloam for some days, because the exam’s date was on 2^nd to 5^th of February 2009, so I could find some relevant documents to read, and of course, I have known a lot of friends in Phnom Penh immediately. I also never forgot to email to Karen and Dorothy and asked them about their living conditions there while I was temporary in Phnom Penh.

On the 1^st of February 2009, happily all my friends and classmates came to my room in Vat Unnaloam in order to discuss about the exam lessons because I had come to Phnom Penh earlier, so I knew the exam’s technique better than them. We happily talked together with some happy jokes and we laughed happily. Some friends bought some soft drink and other bought other thing in which we shared together, but my friends knew that I did not have much money, so they always spent every thing for me. After we drank happily together two or three hours my friends went back to their places and I had time to prepare my stuffs for the next day exam.

I worked extremely carefully with my exam paper for three days during the exam’s hours, but I still failed one subject in which I liked the most was mathematics. When I studied at Vat Bo Buddhist High School all my friends and classmates admired me with my intelligence in this subject, but I sat for exam I had something error with my brain and thought, so I could not complete those math questions. However, I am proud of what I have achieved and succeeded in my life. Actually, some of my friend failed the exam in which they could go to university.  They also had to repeat class, and took the exam next year.

After the exam ended my friends went separately to their home village. Whereas I still stayed in Vat Unnaloam in which I wanted to ask for a place to live in Phnom Penh after I passed my exam and continued my study at university in Phnom Penh, and on the other hand, I also waited to see the exam’s result. A few weeks later, the exam’s result was posted on the board at the exam station, so I went to see with happiness. I saw my names on the list with some good grade and scores and I went back to Vat Unnaloam. Of course, I had been told the result since the list was not post on the board because I know someone who had a position for checking the exam result in the correcting exam station and he called with hopeless at first, but later on he told that I had passed with no good grade.

After seeing result, I went to ask a place in Vat Unnaloam to live for my further study in Phnom Phen with my cousin’s guideline that he had stayed in Vat Unnaloam over twenty years in which he wanted me to ask venerable Kim Rathana who is the first house keeper. When I went to meet him and we respected him as our brother and then he let me stay in the house for my further education, but I had not stayed yet because I had to go to Siem Reap in order to prepare my stuffs there and told Buddhist monks in Vat Damnak that I went to study in Phnom Penh. Therefore, I packed some of my books for my brothers who were studying at home and some for myself which I keep them for my education.

I never forget to say thank for my American family (Dorothy, Karen, Susan, Tom…) who help me in my expense both study and living. If I do not have them who sponsor me I do not know the taste of university student. They are very kind and generous and I am also proud of myself in being the lucky person. This is also because of my effort and struggle in living even though I did not have any support I never lose my hope. What is important is that I want to change my farmer’s life to be an educated person and I always think education will be able to change my life better in the near future, so I try hard to study day and night without tired.

2.3. University

When I was at Phnom Penh at first, I applied for Buddhist Sihanuk Rach University exam in which that university is sponsored by state and if I passed that exam I would study free without paying. Fortunately, I passed the exam and studied in the Faculty of Foreign Language (Pali and Sangskritte). I had studied in that university only one year in which I also got the first year certificate.

At the same year, I also applied for another university scholarship exam in which that scholarship was sponsored by World Bank with Cambodian government. That university was named University of Cambodia (UC). There were a lot of students applied for that scholarship as the whole country, thousands of students. Some of my friends also applied for that scholarship, but they were not lucky enough to win that, except me who could win that scholarship among other 500 winners.

So, I studied three universities at the same time Buddhist Sihanuk Reach University, Paññāsāstra University, and University of Cambodia for the whole day in which in the morning I went to study at Buddhist Sihanuk Reach University (BSRU). At the afternoon I went to study at University of University (UC) and in the evening I went to study at Paññāsāstra University of Cambodia (PUC).

However, life has been changed from day to another, so I met a lot of obstacles of studying three universities at once. Therefore, I was forced to drop one and carry on other two universities are PUC and UC. Moreover, I will let you know more about me with both institutions. Actually, I needed to tell you why I had to drop Buddhist University, so I needed to conclude Buddhist University in my education section.

Actually, university life is every hard for me because I have to think before I decide to do anything. What important is that I do not have money to pay for university tuition fee, so I choose to study at university which provides me scholarship rather paying money. Fortunately I won a scholarship from University of Cambodia (UC) for a completed BA, four years. I think everyone knows how hard it is for university students who lack of money but wish to further their education. Both universities that I took my steps are free for UC and partial scholarship for PUC, so I do not need to pay all among of money.

2.3.1 Preah Sihanuk Reaj Buddhist University

After I finished my Buddhist high school and got diploma I was allowed to apply for any scholarship at Buddhist University, so I wanted to apply for that scholarship because I did not have money to pay for private university tuition fee. Actually, I never thought of living in Phnom Penh because I did not know Phnom Penh and I just came to Phnom Penh at first time when I took Buddhist high school exam in 2009.

Of course, I would like to take major in English, but I did not know that English is the major of foreign language in which it had Pali and Sanskrit. I took that major for only foundation year. I studied in that university only one year. Actually, I got the certificate of foundation year.  After one year at Buddhist University I got bored with teaching and educating styles, so I stopped studying there. At first, I expected that I would get good knowledge when I attended Buddhist University, but I lost my hope with what I was educated.

This time, I met a lot of good friends who shared something with me such taste of life and standard of living or the original life. We always exchanged ideas.

2.3.2 Pãññāsastra University of Cambodia

Throughout my education since I started my school life I wished to get good education at famous institution, but I did not know where I could get money to pay for that institution tuition fee. Pãññāsastra University of Cambodia is a university which I aimed to get education because I heard that Pãññāsastra University of Cambodia is a good university in Cambodia and I can get both skill and English knowledge.

After I got Buddhist high diploma I wished to study at Pãññāsastra University of Cambodia, but I could not go directly to university level in which I had to take task in order to get to know my English knowledge level. I took English task and got level three. I had to spend some months to finish my English skill and I have to know English well because at university level I would be taught all subject in English. They used English as a bridge of teaching.

I spent three months for level 3 and another three months for level 4 in which I got level 4 diploma for my achievement at English skill. After 6 months of getting more knowledge in English skill I was allowed to attend another course which was called ABC course. In this course I was taught about around taking major information. After students listened to this course they could choose the right major in which that major is right for their knowledge and talent.

There were a lot of things conflicts happening around my ideas in which I chose for English major, but what I wanted is that I wanted to take major in education because I want to teach rather than work in other fields. However, I decided to choose major in TESOL because this major matches with my talent.

Even though I chose to further my education at Pãññāsastra University of Cambodia, I have to pay for tuition fee in which I get that among of money from a group of American family who want to sponsor me in getting more education. At IEPA level I just paid 160 $ per level but when I attended BA class I had to pay among 215$ per semester and 160$ for summer course.  Actually, I met a lot of obstacles in studying in BA class because I have plenty of work to do such as assignment or homework and especially, giving the presentation.

Moreover, I am satisfied with what I have done at Pãññāsastra University of Cambodia. However, I met different kinds of lecturers who provided us hope and hopeless, sometimes. Different people have different ideas. Until now I am broke and I do not have enough money to pay for tuition fee next terms, so I do not know I will be able to attend class or not. Now I am the third year student. I expect that I will graduate in early 2014 and I will also continue my education in majoring in TESOL if I will have chance I will find any scholarship abroad.

After I decided not to accept any sponsor from Dorothy Gist, PUC tuition fee was increased from 215$ per semester to 288$ per semester. Then, I had no idea about my education anymore in which I should stop or continue it. When the new term started and I also had to register for new term, but before I was allowed to register I was asked to go the scholarship office in order to get the payment check because I got partial scholarship. Luckily, when I went to meet Dr. …at the scholarship office he provided my full scholarship. He told me no need to pay and I started to think why he provided my like that. I think because I always went to meet him every semester and I was never later for asking payment check in order to pay my partial tuition fee.

Fortunately, I got full scholarship at PUC during I had planned to suspend my education because I did not have money to pay for. When I was Buddhist monk I was sponsored by Dorothy Gist’s family, but after I left monkhood I thought that I had to depend on my own self. I meant I had to learn how to live by myself. I also want to thank my sponsor, Dorothy Gist and her family for sponsoring me during my stay and study in Phnom Penh over three years. When I got full scholarship I continued my study again without suspending it.

Semester by semester, I meet many approachable and motivated teachers and lecturers who help me to struggle in life. Especially, they try to motivate me to change my life through starting my own business or starting teaching. They provide me a lot of strategies how to teach students in which my major is Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages (TESOL). Furthermore, PUC also provide me chance to apply for teaching job at PUC Foreign Languages Institute. However, I have to study hard and improve English proficiency day by day because I will be a teacher of English in the near future.

I expect that I would live better after I left monkhood, but it is difficult to live with no job and no left-money and I do not also have anybody supporting me. My life is still worse, but I am never hopeless. I think one day I will be better than this. I also expect that after I graduate from PUC I will be able to apply for teaching job at PUC Foreign Languages Institute.

2.3.3 University of Cambodia

Throughout modern globalization era, Cambodian students always think that they should get more than one BA degree, so I have desire to find another scholarship to get one more BA and in that time University of Cambodia announced to the scholarship for high school students who just finished school in 2009 while I just completed my Buddhist high school. Actually, I have chance to apply for that scholarship, not only me but my friends also applied for that scholarship, too.

All students who just finished high school had chance to apply for that scholarship, so there were over two thousand students who attracted to that scholarship. When I saw a lot of students apply for that scholarship I lost my hope, but I never hopeless in my life. I expected that I would be among 500 scholarship students. While I attended at the exam class I got nervous. When I did the exam I did not know the answer, but fortunately I could overcome general knowledge section in which those questions were about Cambodia history, kings, and temples. Actually, I was familiar with those question because I used to teach Cambodia history which connected with when temples were built and which kings.

After the exam I did not have hope to win that scholarship and I had also attend other two universities, Preah Sehanouk Reaj Buddhist University and Pannasastra University of Cambodia. However, a few weeks late I went to see the result of my scholarship exam I was absolutely happy with what I have done whereas my friends did not have chance to win that scholarship. So, I was studying three universities at the time, but what important is that I did not have enough ability to study three universities.

When I won a scholarship at University of Cambodia I majored in International Relations (IR) in which I was interested in it every much. I expected that I would gain a lot of knowledge because International Relations connected with international politics and economy. Actually, I gain plenty of knowledge after I majored in International Relations. During my time at university I met a lot of good lecturers who had enough knowledge and experiences.

I used to be the best undergraduate students at UC for one semester at 2011. I thought that my major at UC will be able to help me to work in the government institute. Even though government work is not good both payment and condition I need to work there because it will help me to support my teaching job. Whatever, I like teaching job. If I will be able to teach at university is the best time for me to share knowledge and I will also be able to help poor family students to further their education. November 18, 2012, I am in term 8 at UC, so I will graduate very soon.

3. Work Experience

Wherever we live we always do something for living and I had also worked to gain some interests in which I worked in various jobs such as a Teacher of English, Morality educator, and Office Assistant.

While I was staying in Vat Damnak, I also volunteered to work as a teacher of English and office assistance at Life and Hope Association (LHA) for four years in which I could got some profit within these work to support my study and besides teaching for LHA, I also taught some Vat Damnak Buddhist monks who wanted to learn English because of my hard work with study I could do teaching job after a few years of learning English.

Not only teaching Buddhist monks in Vat Damnak I also taught for Life and Hope Association in English Department, for English class to young and adult students. Actually, I could earn some to pay for my English classes within this kind of work. I could exchange that among of money for my own knowledge. Teaching is the best way to learn. When I had chance to teach I also had chance to learn new things in which I could improve my teaching skill and English proficiency. When I had good opportunity I tried to enlarge my experience and knowledge.

In that time, I was also studying more than one language in which I studied English, Spanish, Korean, and some Thai. It was a bit hard, but I had a great desire to become a tour guide in Siem Reap, so being a tour guide should know more than one language. During my study time in Siem Reap I knew a lot of good friends who convinced me to be a good person in Siem Reap society. I mean that if I am Siem Reap people I should have good knowledge in foreign language in order to survive in the globalization era. Siem Reap is a place where foreigners want to come and see and is also a famous place for Cambodia.

At first, I wanted to live in Siem Reap because I thought that after I became a tour guide in Siem Reap I would earn a lot of among of money, but later on I changed my perspective in life. I wanted to further my education and had desire to be a professor. If I could be a professor I provided good knowledge to younger generations. However, Cambodia is lack of human resource recent years in order to compete with ASEAN countries because in 2015 ASEAN countries will integrate ASEAN to be one community and one destiny, so human resource is important for Cambodia which Cambodia has to develop rapidly. I also involve with Cambodia in human resource sector if I can involve myself in educational profession. Of course, if I can be a skill and talented professor in any skills.

I not only taught English to young Cambodians who wanted to develop their lives, I also taught morality to young Cambodian students at primary school. During my stay at Vat Damnak, I was invited to teach morality and life skill to young primary school students. I was happy that I could participate with this career because I am Cambodia and I also helped Cambodia to develop her human resource. I enjoyed teaching since 2002 when I taught English to Buddhist monks in Vat Damnak.

Even though I came to live in Phnom Penh, I also found chance to teach English for my friends. I mean that I shared my English knowledge with my friends and I helped them a lot with English language in the purpose of finding any scholarship. I had difficulties to live as monkhood in Phnom Penh because there were many pressures from both external and internal factors. So, I decided to leave monkhood in November 11, 2011.

After I left monkhood, I found hard to apply for a job as an English as Second Language Teacher because I was not good at it and I also did have many friends in Phnom Penh. However, I tried to apply my application for teaching career until I got one at Phnom Penh International Language School (PPILS). I had taught there for eight months. When I moved my rent house to the south of Phnom Penh capital city about 10 kilometers, so I resigned that teaching job and I tried to find another which was near my rent house. Why did I find other job besides teaching? Actually, I would like to help other young generation by providing education and I also took my BA at PUC in TESOL.

When I was in year IV at PUC, my lecturers also recommended me to apply for a teaching job because it would help me to improve my capacity in teaching career. I started to apply for teaching job again, but I could not find the good one because teaching is very difficult to find and there were not many schools in Phnom Penh. However, I only could find the part time teaching job at International Chun Hak School. I taught there only one hour per day.

All in all, I have good experience in teaching, and I also experienced a lot of obstacles during I practiced my career. However, our work will teach us how to solve those problems and we will learn more about those things. What important is that we are the people need more knowledge. We have enough capacity to get knowledge, but we lack of professional teachers.

4. Interests

I have many interests in my life, but the most important is politics. When I attended university class I took major in TESOL because I thought that teaching is the essential way to help me and Cambodians to develop human resource. However, what I like is not TESOL, but what I like is politics. I enjoy hearing people say about politics rather than something else.

Actually, I am interested in politics because politics is everything around us and whatever we do or whatever we will do politics will involve with it, so politics always affects to our daily lives. Every day I am happy to listen to political story. However, I do not want to be politician, but what I want to be is teacher or professor. When I participate in politics my life will be danger, so the best way to live in a happy life is being a professor who provides good knowledge to young generations and generations.

In my interest section, I would also like to express about my hobby in which I also like watching television in the discovery channel and natural geographical channel in which they provide me a lot of wonderful stories that I never think of. Previous time, I liked read books rather than doing something else. If I had books to read I was happy, but now I do not have enough time to read books. I take my time to earn some money for my living instead of reading books. However, studying and reading is the best way to expands knowledge, but if we do not have thing to eat how we live on this earth.

In short, what I am interested in is politics and social justice in which wherever there is social disorder I always observe such land dispute between citizens and private companies, especially, land grabbing from authority officials. However, politics is the best story to investigate the social order or issues. If politicians treat their people badly we will know and do something against those policies.

5. Ambition and Perspective toward Life

Life is absolutely crucial for us to take care, however, at the end of life, we will not be judged by how many diplomas we have received, how much money we have made, how many great things we have done, we will judged by that I am hungry and you give me to eat, I am naked and you clothe me, and I am homeless and you take me in. Hungry not only for bread, but hungry for love, naked not only for clothing, but naked for human dignity and respect, and homeless not only for want a room of brick, but homeless because rejection.

Everyone has their own ambitions and perspective toward life. For me, my ambition is that I want to be a professor in the near future. Actually, everyone also wants to be rich and I also want to be rich, but rich in the good aspect and live in the happy life with good knowledge.

We are what we think! So, we have to develop our positive mental attitude in which life will be better according to our thought if we think with positive mental attitude we will have good aspect of life, but if we think with negative mental attitude we will have bad aspect of life. I also want to found an association to help young generation to find a good education support.

We are poor is not our mistake or we are poor not because of us. We are poor because of our father never develops the desire to be rich. It means that if our father never tells us to have desire to be rich, how we become rich. Our father has to tell us how to live, how to work, and how to learn, earn money to be rich. However, if our father keeps quiet we will know nothing. Parents have the duty and obligation to educate and bring up children to be well-educated. Actually, since we are born our parents are always waiting to tell us what to do, how to do, and when to do. Why we have to go to school because our father always teaches us to be rich. It is not enough for us that only our father teaches us. We need more teachers and more skill and knowledge.